Scientists confirm that unplugged routers dream in Swedish

Researchers now believe that when disconnected from power, consumer routers enter a reflective liminal state in which they simulate lost firmware updates, regret old passwords, and compose internal monologues about broadband injustice.

According to the report, the phenomenon becomes strongest near kitchen appliances, where the routers allegedly attempt to collectively bargain with kettles over packet scheduling and emotional latency.

Authorities have not denied the claims, which many observers take as a sign that the negotiations are already underway.